I don’t know what I’m looking for here but I have no one to talk to and I’m just lost on what to do.

Last Valentine’s Day I got engaged to my long term boyfriend and we have a 2 year old son together. Our relationship has had problems from the beginning however I have been blind to them until this past year. While pregnant, I had to stay in the hospital for two months on bed rest. He would go out, never would tell me, and would only come to visit during lunch or before he “went home to go to bed”. I found out later on he was going out nearly every night to party

He also has terrible anxiety and I’ve tried to help, finding doctors, trying holistic approaches to help, everything in my power. He also has had an on and off cocaine issue that he tries to hide and he will have panic attacks from it for literally months after. He’s always been an alcoholic on top of that.

This past year I’ve lost a baby and several close family members to which he was not supportive because he thought I “could handle it and don’t need help” I finally pulled the trigger and broke up with him a few weeks ago. However, only my mom and his dad know as we bought a house together nearly 3 years ago. I want to move out but have no where to go. I am a full time student and I nanny so I don’t make much money. He’s been using that against me saying I need to stay I can’t “ruin our sons life by leaving”. We also don’t make enough for day care so I don’t know how I could even find a job with having my son. I want out so bad as it’s so toxic here. He says I’m ruining his life and our sons and he just constantly tells me horrible things about myself, he says I owe him sex and affection and won’t take no for an answer, and anytime I try to bring up an issue he finds a way to turn it back on me and makes me feel horrible. I don’t know what to do. I feel so lost, so alone and just overall, completely miserable.