Feel defeated and like Giving up!

With each passing month that goes by when I get my period a little piece of me goes away. I’ve been unable to conceive after almost a full year of trying. We had a brief break last year when I had some medical issues. Apparently I don’t ovulate regularly. I seem to get less regular the longer I’m off BC. I am 38. I’m so worried it will never happen. I really don’t want to do another round of Clomid as the first one I had very bad side effects on, my OB started me at a very high dose and I ended up with cysts. I just feel like giving up and going back on BC. I feel defeated and like my body let me down. I see all these women around me who get pregnant so easily and some who don’t even deserve a baby! So heartbreaking. 😭