From babysitter to fwb to hurt


Long sorry..

I’ve lived next door to my neighbors for 14 years. Their son is 10 years older than me. He has been married, 2 kids, divorced, engaged, another kid, now single. He’s been single for almost 4 years. I think it was 2016 when he asked if I could start babysitting his kids before school and drop off/pick up at school. I did this for a few years. In 2018, we ended up sleeping together. We did this for awhile then i got engaged and married. Not exactly the smartest idea. I would always hang out with the guy at his house or stay the weekend there with his kids while he worked night shift but we stopped sleeping together when i was in a relationship. I got pregnant in 2019 my daughter is 15 months and I’ve been separated for awhile now. Within the last 4-5 months I’ve realized I’m BEYOND attached to him. I guess those feelings from 2018 never left me. He’s been over at my house almost every day. I cook dinner almost every day for him. I stay with him when my daughter is with her father. When he has his kids they stay with him at his parents (my neighbors) and he always comes and hangs out at my house. My sister who is 15 always picks on me and says that I’ll end up in a relationship with him. I just brush her off but today I texted him and told him that my sister said she doesn’t understand how you can be around someone for 3 years and he sleeping with them and not have feelings. His response pasted here

“See that’s where her interpretation gets me it’s either omg love or cold hearted no feelings. I care about you so that’s a feeling I just don’t wanna be a thing. Will it suck when you find someone sure cuz you’re the closest truest thing to a friend but relationship wise I’m not relationship material and you drive me nuts”

Why are we doing whatever we’re doing if he doesn’t want anything? Why is he here holding me at night if he doesn’t want anything? Why do we spend every day together if he doesn’t want anything? His kids means so much to me. He means so much to me. My daughter loves him to death. I’m so lost.

Update for those who are interested: We ended up getting into a pretty emotional conversation via text since he was at work. We talked about why I was upset and I let him know that I put a lot of effort into whatever we had going on and he acknowledged. He said he was grateful for me and everything i do for him. He said I’m the only person who believes in him as a single dad and that has supported him. He said I’m always there for him and he’ll always be there for me (he was there for me when my own husband wasn’t for some of my life’s biggest events like preterm labor with my daughter, planning/setup/cleanup at my daughters first birthday, a miscarriage) but he’s not looking for a relationship right now and if it’s ok with me that he doesn’t wanna cut things off which I agree to because at this point there are 4 kids involved and he’s fighting for full custody so in my opinion it’s not best for any of us to be cut out of each other’s lives.

There was a snow storm where we live and he works 50 minutes from home so I ended up driving to his work before the snow and stayed with him in a hotel close to his work since he had to be at work at 6:30am.

We had dinner and talked about keeping things the way they are because at this point in time it is what’s best for everyone involved and that he isn’t going out and looking for a relationship but if I wanted to distance myself he understood.