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To me it sounds like you aren’t confused you just don’t want to hurt your current boyfriend.
my heart is so confused
hi ladies!
the last few months my feelings have been all over the place and idk what to do anymore...
i‘m 19 years old, soon to be 20, and i‘m a law student. i live in europe and i could imagine myself living in almost every country as long as i‘m happy. i love travelling and i‘m a very extroverted person. i also love partying and meeting new people.
so i met a guy about 7 months ago, i really liked him and so we started hanging out a lot together. we spent the whole summer together, having pool parties, going out to fancy restaurants every night for 2 months straight and hooking up a lot. he‘s 22 and works as a mechanic in the town i grew up in. he‘s also totally extroverted and so much fun to be around. he has dark hair and extremely blue eyes and works out everyday- an extremely attractive man and just the type i usually go for.
so i have a house in the small town he lives in and also an apartment in a big city about 2 hours away. i‘m spending most of my time in my apartment but because of co-vid i‘m now mostly in the house, which means we could see each other a lot.
so we fell in love and got into a relationship in november and since then everything got more & more complicated. we‘ve been fighting a lot over the most irrelevant things- we‘re both very dominant and intense people so it‘s hard for us to make compromises but we‘re trying our best. i‘d say our relationship is very sexual and sometimes i think that‘s the one thing that keeps us together. so as you can imagine, we have quite different views about the future- he wants to stay in the town whereas i don‘t really know where exactly i wanna live- i just really dream of seeing the world. he wants to stay in his workplace whereas i can literally work everywhere i want after finishing law school. what i think i really miss in this relationship is depth, i love poetry, romance, love letters and all that stuff. for me having deep conversations and being romantic is really essential in a relationship and we never really do that. i wrote him 2 love letters and he texted me very cute messages but idk i feel like something is missing. we also never spend a whole day together, we mostly meet in the afternoon or at night- usually we hook up and spend the night together and in the morning we‘ll leave each other’s place. we talked about that and we‘re trying to change it but i doesn’t really work. i‘m just honestly a hopeless romantic and i‘m not really keen about settling for less than i always dreamed of.
so this december i coincidentally met a guy on instagram- he‘s 21 and a professional athlete. i met him 3 times since we started chatting with friends and we had game nights together as friends. he‘s a very introverted person and also kinda shy sometimes, but very sweet. he‘s australian and travels all the time bc of his job. idk why but i was a bit drawn to him since the first time i saw him on instagram- he‘s the total opposite of my boyfriend. he is extremely tall, has brown eyes and brown hair and he‘s not a poser at all. he is really friendly and honest and i know he‘d never touch me without me making the first move. also he‘s never been in a real relationship before and is a hopeless romantic just like me.
anyway so 2 days ago he invited me and my bestie for some drinks cause they just won a game. we had a fun night and got along very well. so he asked me afterwards if i wanna watch a movie with him next weekend. and now idk what to do anymore- he doesn’t know that i have a boyfriend cause the 3 times we met, my bf and i had fights about something and didn‘t really talk a lot. and i feel stupid telling him that i have a boyfriend now when i‘m not even sure that i really want this relationship , does that make sense? you should really know that i‘m not a cheater or anything like that at all- i would never betray my partner. but i‘m at this point that my heart is so confused and i don‘t wanna hurt anyone. i seriously have no clue what i‘m supposed to do and it kills me because i can‘t win this one.
what would you do?
pls help a girl out 😫
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COMMENT (3)
For all the time you spent with your current boyfriend it doesn't seem like you spent much time actually getting to know each other beyond having a good time. You're now realizing you don't want the same things. You're not getting what you say is important to you in a relationship. Regardless of anything happening with with other guy you need to have an honest conversation with yourself and with your boyfriend about what you each want. If it doesn't line up then there's your answer. Personally, I think you already know you should end it with him. Even in an amicable split there's going to be some hurt.
Coming from one confused heart to another: Put it this way, the other guy aside, with all that you have found out so far and feel, do you still want to be with your current boyfriend? (And not out of the fear of being alone) If your answer is yes, then turn down the other guy. And most importantly have a real talk with your current boyfriend about your doubts and struggles and wants/needs, as well as his!! Is he feeling the same way you are?? You said you felt as though there isn’t enough depth or romance for you, tell him. I’ve found that depth comes from quality time and open/honest talking. Maybe suggest dates and things you both can do to help that and try it out and give it time? Sometimes it’s not that the other person isn’t willing to try some of those things but rather the last relationship they were in didn’t have that and they don’t know that is something that would make you happy? His needs or wants may not totally align with yours.. does that work for both of you?If not, then you know what you need to do. But from an outsider’s perspective? It sort of does sound like you’ve already decided. It sounds like you want someone who matches your love of life and willingness to see the world, but currently you are not getting what you need out of the relationship?So, my best advice is to think about what you want separately. Do you want to be with your current bf? Are you willing to stay, to work on things and continue to build your relationship with him? Can you see this going further? I also suggest you ask yourself: what do I need/want to be happy in a relationship right now? Trust your gut and your heart. It hurts to break up with someone, but sometimes it’s for the best.If you know your decision and if you are still thinking about the other guy.. maybe go out on a date with him and see where that takes you? Don’t overthink it if it’s early on! Who knows, maybe it doesn’t work out with either guy but don’t worry, as my best friend’s older sister says “dating is great. It either helps you find what you want or shows you exactly what you don’t want.. but either way it helps in the end, you are young, so go for it!” Whatever you decide, I hope it all works out and good luck girl! ❤️
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