hi ladies!

the last few months my feelings have been all over the place and idk what to do anymore...

i‘m 19 years old, soon to be 20, and i‘m a law student. i live in europe and i could imagine myself living in almost every country as long as i‘m happy. i love travelling and i‘m a very extroverted person. i also love partying and meeting new people.

so i met a guy about 7 months ago, i really liked him and so we started hanging out a lot together. we spent the whole summer together, having pool parties, going out to fancy restaurants every night for 2 months straight and hooking up a lot. he‘s 22 and works as a mechanic in the town i grew up in. he‘s also totally extroverted and so much fun to be around. he has dark hair and extremely blue eyes and works out everyday- an extremely attractive man and just the type i usually go for.

so i have a house in the small town he lives in and also an apartment in a big city about 2 hours away. i‘m spending most of my time in my apartment but because of co-vid i‘m now mostly in the house, which means we could see each other a lot.

so we fell in love and got into a relationship in november and since then everything got more & more complicated. we‘ve been fighting a lot over the most irrelevant things- we‘re both very dominant and intense people so it‘s hard for us to make compromises but we‘re trying our best. i‘d say our relationship is very sexual and sometimes i think that‘s the one thing that keeps us together. so as you can imagine, we have quite different views about the future- he wants to stay in the town whereas i don‘t really know where exactly i wanna live- i just really dream of seeing the world. he wants to stay in his workplace whereas i can literally work everywhere i want after finishing law school. what i think i really miss in this relationship is depth, i love poetry, romance, love letters and all that stuff. for me having deep conversations and being romantic is really essential in a relationship and we never really do that. i wrote him 2 love letters and he texted me very cute messages but idk i feel like something is missing. we also never spend a whole day together, we mostly meet in the afternoon or at night- usually we hook up and spend the night together and in the morning we‘ll leave each other’s place. we talked about that and we‘re trying to change it but i doesn’t really work. i‘m just honestly a hopeless romantic and i‘m not really keen about settling for less than i always dreamed of.

so this december i coincidentally met a guy on instagram- he‘s 21 and a professional athlete. i met him 3 times since we started chatting with friends and we had game nights together as friends. he‘s a very introverted person and also kinda shy sometimes, but very sweet. he‘s australian and travels all the time bc of his job. idk why but i was a bit drawn to him since the first time i saw him on instagram- he‘s the total opposite of my boyfriend. he is extremely tall, has brown eyes and brown hair and he‘s not a poser at all. he is really friendly and honest and i know he‘d never touch me without me making the first move. also he‘s never been in a real relationship before and is a hopeless romantic just like me.

anyway so 2 days ago he invited me and my bestie for some drinks cause they just won a game. we had a fun night and got along very well. so he asked me afterwards if i wanna watch a movie with him next weekend. and now idk what to do anymore- he doesn’t know that i have a boyfriend cause the 3 times we met, my bf and i had fights about something and didn‘t really talk a lot. and i feel stupid telling him that i have a boyfriend now when i‘m not even sure that i really want this relationship , does that make sense? you should really know that i‘m not a cheater or anything like that at all- i would never betray my partner. but i‘m at this point that my heart is so confused and i don‘t wanna hurt anyone. i seriously have no clue what i‘m supposed to do and it kills me because i can‘t win this one.

what would you do?

pls help a girl out 😫