I usually never do this and have been reading others stories for quite some time as support...

Today I just feel down. My husband & I have been secretly ttc for nearly a year since we waited till we were older and more stable in life with careers and finances before taking the next step. I recently found out my younger sister got pregnant with her boyfriend by accident which was a complete shock. I couldn’t help but feel envious as she’s always been irresponsible and I’ve always played the big sister role in the family and cleaned up all my siblings mistakes as I’m the oldest. I guess there’s a part of me that’s resentful that I waited so long to try cause I was so busy trying to help my older parents & siblings so much that all I see is how my sister gets to have what I want without ever having to worry about anyone else but herself or what it’s like to put her own wants aside as the oldest child in the family.

Regardless, I tried to tell myself that it was “ok” to feel that way initially and that her gift wouldn’t take away from my own chances but then today she bragged about how she found out it’s a girl and landed on the name I had secretly picked out for myself over a year ago. My heart stopped. I just feel like I keep getting punched and I have zero support as most people don’t know about us ttc. Anyway just wanted to vent. I love my family but I also feel like I’m being punished for being responsible & trying to do things “right”- only to realize time is against me. If that makes any sense. Obviously, there’s a lot more back story to all this but you get the point.