Devastated

I haven’t had a period since November 14 of last year. I asked my gyno in October to run blood tests to rule out PCOS since they found two cysts prior to that appointment. He refused. I went last week and saw my NP, she listened and ran the tests. I just got a call back from her. Everything looked perfect. Except my testosterone levels. She recommended weight loss and birth control pills. I’ll lose the weigh if it means I can have my baby but I can’t get on birth control pills. That’d be redundant. She said she understood and could prescribe metformin but only if I lost some weight first. I don’t know what to think or how to feel. All I feel is that I’m a failure. I made two beautiful children and now I can’t even make a last one. Today’s my oldest daughter’s birthday and all I want to do is stay in bed. I need strength....