How do you get over a death?

So it's been about three months since my brother died. At age 36 he OD'ed. We were close when I was younger, but we had a pretty awful childhood. I left home as soon as I could. And we never really found our way back. I would keep telling myself that this is the year we'd get back in touch. Over and over again. And now he's dead. I don't even know how to process this. I get up every day and smile and pretend to be happy. It's pretty easy when I've had to do it my entire life. I know I should talk to a therapist or get back on medication, but I can't even afford to be depressed. I just want to be okay. But I've always been the person to avoid. Emotions, confrontation. Idk what to do.