My childhood best friend who’s basically another sister to me is getting married next month . A small wedding due to covid she’s not having many people there . She’s technically already married , they had a little ceremony in her backyard last month but was having the one with her dress and some close family and friends . Well I guess her and my mom talked yesterday and decided I won’t be going . Not just because of covid and having to fly back to Cali for it but because I’m having some possible complications with my pregnancy and my baby , plus when I got my blood drawn the other day it showed i might be fight off a small infection as my white cell count was higher . So she called me telling me she’s making the choice for me and I’m not coming . So I don’t have to worry and she doesn’t have to worry about me getting sick . I also have really bad anxiety with flying and flying alone which I would be doing . I’ll get super anxious weeks beforehand and it makes me sick to my stomach . She told me my and the baby are more important to her then me coming but I still can’t shake the feeling I have .I just feel terrible . Yes I’ll admit the not flying part has me relieved but I hate that I have to miss out on such a special moment when she was so amazing for my wedding and I couldn’t wait to pay it back to her . Her own brother can’t make it either due to covid which helps with the feelings I’m struggling with but I still feel horrible . She’s so amazing and understanding I just wish I could support her . I was also supposed to do her hair and makeup but she says she will find someone else . I keep trying to find ways to go or keep trying to talk myself down from anxiety about the flight thinking maybe my drs would approve and that what’s going on with my pregnancy isn’t what they are saying but I feel they( my mom and best friend) may be right about it and I shouldn’t go. I don’t know I just wanted to get this out . Okay I guess I’m done ranting 😭.