My husband of 4 years has become an absolute a-hole. When i met him 11 years ago he was the nicest guy you could ever meet. Everyone loved him for me, told me how i was so lucky to have someone so caring and decent and i felt lucky. Over the years he has just become spiteful and nasty. We have some good moments. When hes in a good mood (usually after hes had a joint) he will be sweet and in a good mood. The rest of the time in his own words ‘he cant stand me and even hearing my voice makes him want to die.’ We have a 2 year old together. Everything i do is wrong. Rocking/cuddling my girl to sleep is wrong because im putting bad habits into her and its my own fault then if she wakes up numerous times and doesnt learn to sef soothe. Never mind that right now she is ill and getting her molars so just wants mummy. Asking him to put his clothes away after iv done all his laundry is wrong and me nagging even tho i asked him to do it 3 days ago and the clothes r still lying on the side of the room. Expecting him to understand that im having a hard time as my elderly father is having some serious heath problems. Expecting him to be supportive because my cycles are all messed up due to stress is wrong because aparently i am ‘a bitch when i dont get my period so i need a doctor to ‘fix’ me’ (this is after a long battle with pregnancy issues and 2 ectopic pregnancies leading me to have one tube now).

Everything good about my daughter ‘he taught her’ all bad habits are ‘because of me’ i am on edge. Every day i wake up trying to suss out his mood to see if its a good day or bad. I am scared to trigger him in any way because he just says such mean things to me. When i stand up for myself and challenge his behaviour ‘im a crazy bitch’

Iv said to him if he hates me so much he should just leave because staying and hurting me is not doing me or his daughter any good. He doesnt want to be the one to leave so hes said the door is open. U can leave when u want. I know i need to. Im just so invested in this marriage, everything is joint and unfortunately i will miss him.

I feel so alone in anything i go through. Lockdowns have made it harder. My best friend who used to visit me al the time cant, i cant go to visit my family and get some space. Day in day out im stuck here and have to put up with his abuse. If iv ever told him he is mentally abusive towards me he laughs and says im being dramatic and need to learn the meaning of the words.

I know there is a way out but im struggling to find it. I am still so much in love with the man he was and the man i hope he can still be one day. He was always my best friend.

Sorry for the rambling but i literally have no one else to confide in.