This is month 4 ttc. Usually I’m super excited to start the tww and get super excited to start testing but this month I’m feeling really nervous about it. I don’t know why but I’m just very uneasy. Normally I’m obsessing over it and constantly scrolling on this app, watching pregnancy announcement YouTube videos, researching, etc. But this month I haven’t done any of that. I stopped doing the ovulation strips, I honestly dreaded it every time I thought about it this month because I’m just so tired of peeing on sticks. I haven’t been looking at my <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android">fertility apps</a> either. I knew this was my fertile window but I didn’t pay attention to my ovulation day or anything.

All I want is to have a baby. I walk past the baby aisle at the store and my heart melts. I have not changed my mind whatsoever but has this happened to anyone else? Is this a defense mechanism so I don’t get so disappointed if I don’t get pregnant this month?