What do I do?

Question

Guys, I'm really worried about my best friend's baby. She's a couple months behind my June baby and I really think she might be autistic. I noticed it very early on. She has always had little to no facial expressions, she flaps her arms, she doesn't smile, doesn't laugh, doesn't babble. She is fixated on the TV most the time. She walks on her tippy toes only. She has now started to zone out and won't respond to her name and just kind of stares off into space. She doesn't say any words besides mama. She also is very daring and will hurt herself and isn't cautious. I don't want to say anything but I know that early intervention can make such a HUGE difference for children with autism. I love my friend and her daughter dearly. I don't want to upset her. Do I wait until they do the MCHAT test and her doctor says something? What would you do? 
She does almost all of these things listed...my friend hasn't mentioned being worried and she thinks her walking on her tippy toes is cute and I just want her to be aware it isn't completely normal.

Answer

I personally would never bring up autism unless the parent brought it up to me first. Even if it was my family, I just wouldn’t. Maybe you could point out one or two of the behaviors and ask about them specifically. I just think as parents we are so worried and so scared about things that more than likely she is already aware something is going on with her child, even if she hasn’t linked it to autism yet. I totally understand why you are concerned but if it were me, it’s just not my place. 
Again, this is just speaking for myself! Not coming from a judgment place at all.

Answer

Doctors will do a “light” autism screening at 18 months, and a more in depth one at 2. Because our doctors only see our kiddos for a snippet of time, it’s up to us to see these red flags and bring them up. I wouldn’t suggest mentioning autism. But perhaps you could casually ask during playtime, “did you ask her doctor if it’s common to walk on her toes like that?” And you can replace it with “flap” “not respond to emotion” etc... let her take the lead and be very aloof. “Oh I’ve never seen a baby do that. That’s interesting!” Early intervention is sooooo important. But it’s also no ones place to say “hey your kid probably has autism” 😕 I remember teaching a second grader last year that I 1000000% believe had undiagnosed autism that was masked as emotional trauma because his sister died ☹️ when his mom asked me if I thought he may have autism because her sister mentioned it, it literally killed me to not scream YESSSS. I had to fall back on my “I can see why she may think that because he does XYZ. But I’m not a doctor so I can’t really give my opinion on that. Have you spoken to his pediatrician? I’m happy to fill out any surveys or screeners they would need!” It’s hard to not insert yourself. The best we can do is give those subtle hints and encourage them to have their doctor test.

Answer

I think try to bring it up with your friend, ofc in the most sensitive and least scary way possible. Early intervention is really important and can make such a difference to development, and it makes me sad this child might not get the help they need. My son has a preliminary diagnosis of autism, and has been in speech therapy for 5 months, occupational therapy and will be starting ABA soon. I really think the therapy has helped both him and me, and the last month he has gone from absolutely not a single word to around 10! Before my sons diagnosis I always knew something wasn’t right, but had family members, friends etc always saying he was fine, boys are always slightly behind, ‘but he makes eye contact’ etc. Your friend might be getting the same misguided reassurances from her family. I’m really glad I pushed and stuck with my gut and got him the help he needs :) if your friend takes it badly that would be really hard, but at least you can know you did your best and only had her best interests at heart.

Answer

Could you just say to your friend that you feel like your child may have some traits of autism and your worried and send her the photo that you posted? She might read it and pick up on things? Good luck you sound like a good friend xx

Answer

My doctor dose an autism screening at 18m, I hope hers dose also. Do you have a hands program or child development center in your area? A lot of those places offer free programs or screenings that provide a lot as far as early intervention. Maybe offer to go with her to these programs? Also I hope your friend can see if you genuinely explain your concerns it's only because you're a concerned friend and not trying come across as rude

Answer

So my dr does an early autism screening at 18 months, maybe they do that where you are too? 
I think it depends on how close you guys are and if you are willing to disrupt your friendship for that baby’s well being. When I was a kid my mom noticed the youngest son of our family friends was exhibiting signs of prader-willi syndrome (low muscle tone + micro penis + uncontrollable hunger). She brought it up with the parents as best she could, but they didn’t take it well. After some time (and my mom being right) everything smoothed over, but it was definitely awkward for some months. No one wants to hear that their kid is going to have additional challenges.

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