READ: “No one can MAKE you feel ___”

Luda • It’s not enough to not be racist, be anti-racist • PhD student in Behavioral Health Leadership • Boy mom x2

Quick notes: I am currently in school to be a psychologist (PsyD). My mom is a psychologist.

Anyways, yesterday I was talking to someone (P1) and apparently another person (P2) told P1 that they made them feel guilty. P1’s response was that they couldn’t MAKE them feel any kind of way and that they have to own those emotions. It struck me as off putting so I began to really think. I remember my mom saying the same thing. “I can’t MAKE you feel any kind of way. You choose to feel that way.” Then I remembered my therapist also saying that and for the record, P1’s therapist apparently also agreed with that logic. The more I thought about it, the more I disagreed. Like yes, if someone says something hurtful, I am personally going to be hurt. Even though I am the one feeling the hurt, they are the clear antecedent. I feel like that concept is a way for people to not take responsibility for their words and choices. What do you think? Do you agree that you can’t MAKE someone feel a certain way? Or do you take ownership for being the antecedent to that emotion?

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