Today I had a doctors appointment for a chronic disease. I only see them every three months, so today was the first time I’ve seen them since I lost my little boy at 18 weeks in December. Today I had to tell four different people that I was no longer pregnant. To avert my eyes and repeat the phrase “not anymore” four times. To answer the standardized mental health questionnaire, at the end clenching my jaw and hiding my almost-meltdown, and for the first time ever get placed in the “High Anxiety” category. To be asked what I am doing to help myself? Nothing. Who am I talking to about it? No one. Do I want their help and resources? No thank you.

Today was a bad day.