Sorry in advance but this is going to be a long post. I just need to vent about my hot mess of a life. Through out my whole life my mom wasn’t there, she was always out with men and working. She married this guy when I was really young and let him beat me, they used to ground me and take everything out of my room and reverse the door locks and lock me in my room all day and night, I was only allowed to have 1 pillow and 1 blanket. My mom always told me she wished she had gotten an abortion with me (and honestly I wish she did too). She cheated on her husband with the guy she’s married to now and ended up uprooting my whole life away from my family and friends to live next to this guy in a different state. I was really depressed cause she was leaving me every day and night to go be with him and I was alone all the time then we started fighting and like getting in physical fights and I told her I was depressed and how I was becoming suicidal and she and her son started laughing at me and placing bets on when I would kill myself. I was a freshman in high school. Fast forward to my senior year, I got pregnant. I had my baby girl and left her father because I was going to end up in prison because I found a bruise on her from him when she was 2 months old. I grew up in a broken family so I didn’t want my baby to do the same, I called my mom and asked her to take my child so she wasn’t around that and so hopefully my daughters father would change. He never did and I left. I ended up getting with a man who was very abusive and ended up knocking my teeth out, he went to prison and I had to have surgery. My mom took me to have surgery on my jaw, I was all sorts of twisted physically and mentally. My mom had been trying to con me into signing a consent to adopt and every time I was like oh hell no. Well she got me to sign one after my surgery. I went to court and proved that I was under the influence when signing that and they still granted her the adoption because my mom makes a lot of money. All I’ve ever wanted to be is a mom and I’m just so heartbroken. It’s been a few years since the adoption went through and I’m only allowed to see my baby once a week supervised. It’s not even fair. I have a good job, my own house, a wonderful fiancé. I have my life together and still can’t even be with her alone or see her for more than an hour once a week (if I’m lucky). I just recently got pregnant and thought this was FINALLY my chance to be the mom I got robbed out of but I miscarried and am just so beyond broken like I want to be a mom so bad and I can’t. Sorry this is long, I just really had to get that out. Any tips on coping?