I get emails every week about my baby I miscarried. And part of me doesn’t want to unsubscribed. I got an email today that I’m 11 weeks. It took us 4 years to get pregnant. Realizing last year my husband had a varicocele that caused him not to produce sperm or high quality sperm. He had the surgery in June and it was successful. Now it was all on me. I work out all the time, don’t drink a lot nor smoke. I’m healthy. I got so used to my life without having a baby. That’s until I found out I was pregnant in the beginning of January. It felt wrong from the start. I told my doctor and my husband but they told me I was fine. I’m in my last semester of nursing school and looked through all my books search everywhere on glow to try to compare my concerns with successful pregnancy. But after a mental break down a week after I found out I was pregnant my husband and I decided to go to the ER. We were there for hours when we finally got into a room. I heard a nurse outside my room say “oh no did she loose the baby??” I knew then I did lose the baby. They tried to sit there and tell me that they didn’t mean to say that and i wasn’t as far along as I thought. So they sent me home with discharge papers that said threatened miscarriage. The next couple days I ended up miscarrying feeling so alone and a failure. I still do. I’m no longer pregnant and no sign of a period. Testing constantly and hoping I’m lucky again. But my baby would have been almost in the clear this week and I have no one to vent to. I feel so stupid getting all excited. And I wanted to believe I could be pregnant right after. And I don’t know if I am or not. Just give me my period. Or a baby.