I was planning on having an all natural birth and made it to 7cm just breathing through those painful contractions until I was rushed to emergency c-section due to prolapse umbilical cord on Wednesday. It was traumatizing. They spent 45 minutes trying to insert the epidural then another 40 trying to insert the spinal tab which both failed due to my scoliosis. So I was put to sleep. They had to breathe for me too. Woke up in agony to them pressing on my stomach to get the clots out. Apparently it took a team of them to hold me, a small woman, down so they could press on me but I can hardly remember.

A few hours later while breastfeeding I noticed blood all up under the covers and gushing from my bandage. I was rushed to the operating table once again because my staples busted open earlier while they were pressing on my stomach right after c-section but they weren’t aware the staples did that. They gave me some medication through my IV then numbed my insertion & stitched me up.

I had to get 3 pints of blood.

Now we’re having to stay at the hospital an extra 2 days but I’m having a hard time coping with this pain.

It’s all so traumatizing and for some reason I cry when I think about it all. I’m so sad my baby had to go through being away from me after birth instead of doing skin to skin. I’m so sad his oxygen supply was low because of the umbilical prolapse. I cry when I think about them holding me down while waking up because of how painful it was for them to press on my abdomen.

I’m sad he was 37 weeks & 4 days instead of being 40 weeks. He’s supposed to be in the womb right now.

I’m thanking the Lord for my amazing husband though. He has been amazing. I’m just scared that something else is going to happen. We have a 3 year old daughter and I keep crying thinking something else will happen to me & she will be without me. I don’t know why my brain is responding this way, but I really need prayer right now. I’m in so much pain.

A nurse was very kind & took pictures. My husband wasn’t allowed to be in the room since I had to be out to sleep. But these pictures just make me cry.

Here is my husband getting to hold our son, Zimrie Matthew, a bit after the operation. I was still under anesthesia. He was very emotional.

And finally, almost 5 hours after my baby boy was delivered I get to hold him. He latched on right away 💛

Here is our daughter who I’m missing dearly.