Today I went in for an ultrasound at 1pm. I was at 7weeks 3 days. I have a bicornuate uterus so I was spotting from the right side and pregnant on the left. I had clots and heavier bleeding once in a while. But the ultrasound this morning showed me a baby with a 117 heartbeat. My levels were at 16,040.

Around 5pm I got bad cramps. Around 6 I started bleeding again. Heavy. I got worried and went to the ER. I got blood work and another ultrasound. The ultrasound showed nothing. An empty uterus. And my levels were just above 8,000.

The nurse at the ER told me it wasn’t really an emergency because I wasn’t bleeding to death. The IV was put in half assed, it kept pinching and the lady yelled at me for shaking when I have severe needle phobia. I felt like crap for going to the ER at all... they didn’t come to the room I was in for 2 hours straight..

I don’t understand how my world fell apart in less than 5 hours... the cramps I’m having are so bad I can’t sleep. I keep shaking and looking at the ultrasound pictures from this morning. I have had miscarriages before... but never after I saw a heart beat. My first miscarriage was at 6 weeks in August of 2019. My second one was a chemical pregnancy. Now this is #3. Today is my fiancé’s birthday. We just told his family today...

My fiancé isn’t good with emotional stuff and he tries to help me feel better but he doesn’t understand how hard it is on me. I’m only 21... and 3 miscarriages in less then 3 years hurts. He didn’t go to the emergency ultrasound this morning due to work. He didn’t see the heartbeat. I thought I finally had my rainbow baby... I don’t understand... the pain in my heart is so much worse than the physical pain...

Should I stop trying... maybe I’m just not meant to have kids... I’m broken