This is the first time I have written about my journey. I'm devastated and instead of holding it in, I figured I share my story.

The minute I met my now husband, I knew he was going to be the father of my children and vice versa. I never felt that way with anyone I had ever been with and I have never been pregnant. We spoke about it so much and finally the day came where we both said "let's do it"!

Only, I couldn't. 19 large fibroids (I'm talking grapefruit to peach size) were in the way of me conceiving and carrying a child. Now, I had a myomectamy years before meeting my husband and thought that would solve everything. Fast forward to 2020 and I'm gong under for what turned out to be a 6 hour surgery to remove ALL 19 fibroids I had inside of me while preserving my uterus for child birth. Guys, the best doctor in NY tended to me. The Best!! Paid out of pocket $10,000 that we saved deliberately for. We were on cloud 9. There was no reason now that we couldn't have our babies! Waiting for our last follow up appointment in April 2021 to start trying. So excited!! Can't wait to be a mom!!!!

Yesterday I had a fever, for 2 days acctually, with pain near my belly button. Pretty bad pain at that. Oh God! Do I have a hernia or shit, is it my appendix? Guys, I wish it were any of those things. Went to urgent care and they send me to the hospital for appendicitis. I get there and run the gammit of tests only to find out it's not appendicitis and it's not a hernia. *Insert crying here* my fibroids grew back. In 2 f***ING months, my fibroids grew back! Worst at it, they are undergoing a natural necrosis. Lack of blood supply to the fibroids is causing them to degenerate and die off. Great right? I don't know! It's excruciating pain! The ER doctors in the state where I live tell me I either have to deal with the pain/ manage with pain killers or get a hysterectomy. WTF!! This is why I had to go out of state to get the surgery in the first place because there are no compassionate, intelligent, continued education seeking doctors in my state as it pertains to women's health!

So now, I'm in pain. I won't know if my entire uterus is undergoing necrosis or just the fibroids until I see a Gyn in my state or fly back to NY to see the man that saved my uterus. Did I mention I have MS and on the verge of losing my job because of all the pain I'm in and in and out of hospitals and doctors offices? My job won't even give me a workplace accommodation to work from home part of the time! I'm beyond frustrated!

Y'all I worked hard my whole life! Been through the muck and the mire, give my 1000% to everything I do and to everyone in my life. I love God through it all. Right now, I feel stuck, I feel lost, I feel like I have been forgotten, overlooked and left behind.

Praying every day that obstacles be removed, doors opened and clarity provided. I'm scared, for the first time in a long time. God knows I don't need any more strength or patience so I pray for peace and clarity. Until then, I cling to and continue to love the 2 most important things in my life.... God and my husband.