Am I the only one scared to look down there after birth

I just delivered Thursday morning and am overall feeling pretty good. Still light bleeding and severe back pain, but my vagina is getting less sore everyday. I still feel a sort of heaviness/tugging feel when I first stand but after walking around for a minute or starts to ease up. However I cannot bring myself to look at my vagina. Not at all. I tore in 4 places during labor and the stitches were so painful at first. Even now as the pain eases I am terrified to look down there, I think that seeing it looking really bad will make me feel like it is hurting worse or something (like mind over matter or something). Anyone else feel this way after delivery? How is your postpartum body? When did your stitches dissolve? How would I *know* if I wasn’t healing properly? I have heard it is very easy to get infections following delivery and that terrifies me!