I won't be able to deliver vaginally again..

With my son he was a big boy, I tore to the fourth degree and also developed a fistula.

Today I met with my doctor, almost two years after having my son, and we discussed what my options will be moving forward since my husband and I want to have our second child.

My doctor said if the next baby is a girl and is six or seven pounds and I get induced at 38 weeks, it's possible I may still be able to deliver vaginally.

But the risk of me tearing again, and that I have a big husband and babies usually get bigger as you have more babies, the chances are low. He said if I tear that bad again the fistula could get worse or I could even end up not having good control of my rectal sphincter and could end up going number 2 without meaning to. I already have a lot of urgency when I need to poop.

I feel sad that I may not be able to experience that again, I have nothing against C-sections, I just can't help but feel sad.