Its sucks to feel alone 😥

This year I will be 46 my period was always so irregular but in the passed years I have had a regular period I even got pregnant finally sadly when I was almost 6 months my baby Julian was born but did not make it. It has taken me a while to feel the way I feel today this Month I had the courage to do something different and today I'm 9 days late No period.Today I find myself scared to death about the outcome on one hand I'm gonna be devastated if I'm not but if I'm I will live in fear for the next months. A lot of people I know talk shit thinking I don't know they are talking about me with comments like oh my God I wouldn't get pregnant at my age people are going to think I'm a Grandma instead of a mother I say I don't care about what people say but at the end people make you question yourself.Today I have decided that I'm going to try to relax and let my body do the work. I don't want to be hopeful but how could I not Thank you in advance to whom ever takes their precious time to read my post 🤗🤗🤗