Some days I’m dead set that I’m going to get an abortion.

Other days I’m dreaming about the baby I’m carrying.

Back story. I have 3 kids. I was NOT supposed to get pregnant again due to serious health issues with my last pregnancy that have a very good chance of happening again.

We were using ovulation strips and condoms to avoid pregnancy. I never got a positive ovulation test, and exactly one week after my boyfriend got a vasectomy, I found out I was pregnant.

I was certain right off that I was getting an abortion as soon as possible. I wasn’t willing to risk my life for another child and leave my kids motherless.

Then I started bleeding, so I thought I’d lose it. I had an ultrasound to check if the pregnancy was viable and saw that little heartbeat 😩 then it became more difficult.

Then my boyfriend decided he wants us to keep the baby and isn’t willing to help pay for the abortion, which will cost me around $2400 and I’m a sahm.

So I’ve been putting it off and now I’m 9 weeks and only have one week left to do the pill abortion. One day, I’m absolutely certain I’m done with it, the next I’m not as sure.

Is the uncertainty always there? How do you get one if you’re broke and your other half isn’t willing to help? I contacted planned parenthood and they told me I could purchase insurance, but that’s still a minimum of 3 months payments and a $500 deductible.

I’m at a loss 😩 thanks for any advice

Edit- we also live in a 2 bedroom apartment with 3 kids so the baby is still in our room. We don’t have the money to upgrade because he’s been off more than he’s worked the last year but also won’t let me put the baby in daycare to go back to work 😩 so money and space is another huge factor in addition to my health issues

- the cost covers a mandatory counseling session, ultrasound, and 2 visits because there’s a 24 hour wait between first appointment and second. I could drive over the border to another state and get the pills for about $700 but my car needs new brakes before I could do that and $700 is still $700 more than I have