I’ll star by saying that I’m going to therapy. And my next appointment is on Friday.

I’ve been struggling with post partum depression. I didn’t bond with my baby right away. And sometimes I still feel weird about her. And I think I figured it out.

She doesn’t feel real to me still.

I had an super easy pregnancy. I dont want to seem like I’m bragging but it was. I was fatigued and got horrible leg cramps at night but that’s all.

My birth was easy too. Natural, over quick, healed quick.

I bonded with a friend over the fact that it didn’t feel real yet when I was 34 weeks. The friend is a male though and fair baby was born a preemie. So it makes sense for him.

I found out I was pregnant just as covid hit too. I worked 10 hour days for the first trimester and some of the second one too. I went home and slept through my pregnancy.

None of my friends saw me pregnant. I couldn’t go to birthing classes or anything. In the third trimester we weren’t even allowed to go 5km from our houses, so no baby shower either.

But for me... I don’t know. She doesn’t feel real. It doesn’t feel like it’s happened. I don’t feel like this is my life now.