Mom shamed for being a good mom ? 🤔

Question

Has anyone ever dealt with a lot of criticism about things like : 
Feeding your kids healthy meals and limiting junk food and sweets (like not giving my 2 year mcdonalds for example)
Not doing the cry it out method / ignoring toddlers or kids that are upset / tending to their needs 
Being protective about who watches them and not using babysitters often / not leaving your kids unless you really need to 
Or anything that you would typically think is good for kids ? I've been getting so much shit from family and even some 'friends'. I assume it's because they do things differently and feel threatened or feel like their way is better ? Idk I kinda just live my life and people comment on it it's not like I ever tell anyone else what 2 do with their kids so idk why this is happening.

Accepted Answer

It kinda sounds like you are mom shaming those who don’t do what you do lol.  Different things work for different families, you’ll hear everybody else’s opinion regardless of what you do.

Answer

Everyone has an opinion and you kind of just proved that by the examples you gave. For instance, if being a good mom is never leaving your baby unless you need to...then you’re implying a bad mom does leave? The standards you set for yourself as a parent will be different from others. If you feel your way is best and you’re a good mom because of it, then you’re just as bad as they are. I have no doubt you’re a great mom...but I also know a lot of great moms who do a mixture of the things you mention.

Answer

Yes! Happens all the freakin time. 
We opted to BLW and I got shamed like F’n crazy over it. My MIL swore we were going to kill our daughter bc she’d choke to death. 🤦🏻‍♀️ We literally sit with her for all her meals and we took the CPR/infant safety classes and are certified. Plus we paid for a program to learn about age appropriate BLW and followed it without a single incident. Now my kids obsessed with veggies. So I guess were doing something right?  
We were shamed a ton for following Little Z’s sleep training. That we would baby our baby too much or be overly stressed out about awake vs sleep windows blah blah blah. We never had to sleep train bc babe slept so good by week 10 just using the schedule. So that’s a win! 
Oh! And I was “hitting the baby too hard” when burping her. She had major air bubbles and our doctors showed us how to burp her good. My in laws freaked out about it hurting her - my response was, you should have seen them give her a smack on the back when she wasn’t breathing out of the womb, she’s fine. 
No ones ever going to agree with you 100%. Part of being a parent is letting it roll off you and doing what’s best for you and your family.

Answer

Well, being a “good parent” is subjective, so what you think is great parenting, won’t be in someone else’s eyes. Humble yourself. We’re all doing the best we can, and there are many ways to successfully raise a child. ❤️

Answer

You'll get shamed no matter what you do so do what works for you and your family. Seriously, people are relentless. I would never let my kids do ____ or you're a mean mom for not letting them do xyz.. it's relentless and no matter what you do you'll hear some bs from someone about it. Get used to ignoring it and moving on. At the end of the day I bet your kids think you're the best. Mine tells me all the time and that's the only opinion I care about.

Answer

Ugh I get crap for things like that too!!  I keep most things to myself but I get treated like a terrible mum for not letting my son have sugary snacks and juice, or watch tv, or cio, because I’m still breastfeeding and will baby wear etc 
Someone on this app once told me they feel bad for my one year old because I don’t let him eat junk 😳 
I don’t care even a tiny bit how other parents choose to parent and can’t understand why people care how I do.  If someone asks if anyone lets their kids watch tv, I’m allowed to answer that I don’t same as someone is allowed to answer that they do 🤷‍♀️

Answer

All of these things. My parents let us have copious amounts of junk food and soda when we were little. My parents will sometimes make little remarks about my sons rarely getting junk food, candy, or sweets and never getting soda or juice (unless they're sick.) But then other times, they will tell me how good it is that my kids really love having healthy foods for snacks. 
Fortunately they've never shamed me about not doing cry it out, but my BIL and SIL have. 
They do tend to throw some shade about not letting them babysit my kids. My kids are 4, 2, and 8 months. I've never had anyone watch my kids besides my 4 y/o twice when I was in labor with his brothers and my 2 y/o once when I was in labor with the 8 month old and never had anyone watch the 8 month old. My mom isn't so bad about it besides occasionally saying she misses them. But I've got 3 very little kids, so I'm too busy to get by. My dad will make passive aggressive remarks about it, though. When I picked up my (then) 3 y/o and 21 month old from their house the day after having my littlest one, I heard my dad tell them that he hopes he sees them again soon, but "it will probably be another 6 months 😒." Like he is incapable of driving to our house since I'm too busy to load up all 3 kids just to visit them. My husband works nights and we only have one vehicle for the moment so my schedule is a bit tricky for me to get put unless I need to, but they know they can stop whenever if they want to see the kids.

Answer

Yes we deal with this. My MIL tried to tell me my daughter would get diabetes if I didn’t let her have cookies/candy etc. 
I do agree different things work did different people, but there’s a ton of research on early childhood development available to young parents. Imho if you’re not at least paying attention to research (ex. Junk food is unhealthy) then it’s just lazy or selfish parenting.

Answer

What you're doing now is mom shaming. 
I plan on feeding my kids healthy food and never fast food, as well as feeding them breastmilk up to 1 year and doing BLW at 5 months. But I also plan on spanking, doing CIO, and letting extended family members watch my children whenever they want and as early as a few weeks old. 
I don't think there's any "right" or "wrong" way to raise a child. Unless you're starving them, beating them, or otherwise being obviously neglectful. There are SO MANY ways to parent, and none are really "better" than any other.

Answer

Oh. My. Goodness do I know about this. This is the reason my son exists, actually. I wanted a purity ring when I was a kid, but they all told me I was "too rigid, too perfectionistic, etc etc" so I took on this belief system and started dating absolute losers and making bad decisions. Now I'm 25, I had a baby with a terrible person and I now realize that I was right from the beginning. No, you don't need to loosen up, as I did not. Be a good parent and don't let them drag you down.

Mom shamed for being a good mom ? 🤔

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