I’m I crazy to be bugged by this? (Trigger warning)

I was sexually assaulted by an ex over porn (spouse knew about this)

I had an issue with porn and preferred it not to be in mine or my partner’s life (he knew this BEFORE we got into a relationship)

Fast forward, he develops a terrible porn addiction (after Oct baby is born)

I catch him and tell him, okay, what ever, just limit it (anyways, he proceeds to watch it for 4-8 hours a day)

He then loses 35,000 (yes, thirty five thousand) dollars in a bad investment (while i am the breadwinner and he’s a house-spouse)never mind, money comes, money goes. Nothing I can’t make back.

He then, following developing a porn addiction (still watching it for hours a day, in addition to social media, video games, etc) starts an online affair.

I forgive him for all of this, we go to couples counselling

I go to solo sessions, too, to work on myself. He promises to do the same... he goes one time...

I come to be semi-accepting of porn again, but ask that he refrain from one particular kind. He agrees. To compromise because clearly he’s not going to stop watching entirely for my comfort, and I don’t want to be that controlling. Fast forward a couple of months

I start getting this funny gut feeling (he’s acting super suspicious) and decide to check his iPad, which he says I have full access to. He’s watching A LOT of the porn I requested he not watch. (Clocked at 3 hours yesterday) but he spends more than 45 hours a week on just one of 3 devices.

I don’t confront him about it because I don’t want to seem crazy, like he always makes me feel over my insecurities, which results in... a lot of other things happening... (which he’s supposed to be going to counselling for...)

I asked him this morning if he’s been watching the particular type of porn and he swears on our relationship he hasn’t been, even though I have proof. But I didn’t present the proof of his lies to him. (Btw, it’s nothing illegal, just want to be clear.)

Makes me wonder what other kind of stuff he’s hiding or lying about (there’s a discrepancy in the screen time, which is what happens when you switch to private mode)

Am I crazy for being pissed off, annoyed, and suspicious that he’s lying to me again?

(There’s a lot of other things going on in our relationship, this is just the cherry on top.) I’ve been a pretty tolerant wife and had only one request and he can’t even hold up his end.

This is just the tip of the iceberg... the only reason I stay is because he’s a good dad. If I left, my son wouldn’t be able to see his father, as we would then be separated by 26 hours of flying (not including layovers) because I sure as hell wouldn’t be staying in his country.