September 23rd

Today was my first check up at 10-11 weeks pregnant ,our second pregnancy ...COVID-19 has made this different but we roll with the new normal . We were excited about hearing the heart beat for the first time today , we made it to the appointment early , happy making plans for future baby shower, my husband waited in the car , no spouse allowed! .

I went in for the ultrasound , quite but silently happy, I didn’t think anything as Wong at first ,she told me my due date September 23rd , she asked a few times when my last period was , second guessing myself I pulled out my glow app , she looked worried , I didn’t ask to hear a heart beat , but it was on the tip of my tongue, I was just so nervous!

Then she said ok get dressed ,I’ll have the nurse check your blood pressure and I’ll send in the mid wife. The whole conversation was a blurr ,I was a ghost in my own body , I heard nothing but the words miscarriage and stop growing at 9 weeks . I felt weak ! all I could think of was my husband , i cried , the midwife called him , and I could hear the sadness in his tone ,his voice cracked . I gathered myself walked to the car , and I cant stop crying , even now writing this . I googled the cause of miscarriage . I don’t know what I was looking for , when I googled but I didn’t find anything telling me what happens now .