I’m sorry I’m all over the place too...I try to pray but then stopped and trying to stay disciplined again. So I feel I look back at my life with so much regret and I hate it... I have a 10month old daughter and married my “high school sweet heart” but I did all these things that I feel I rushed and fell off from Gods path so now I’m stuck. It sucks being stuck with in laws who think of you as someone who you’re not. (I’ve never done wrong to them I’ve always been nice whether it be money, transportation, food) I cannot stand them and I don’t want to be like that , is it bad that I don’t want them around my daughter ? They’re super toxic I could go on...supposedly the sister is a Christian but I get bad vibes from her...the mom never even tries to see my daughter yet judges my family ..for loving and actually being there for her ⁉️😂, I’ve never done wrong to my husband and on the other hand he has...it’s a whole list ..they think he’s the innocent one it’s ridiculous they don’t even know him/what he’s done to me...He’ll say but I’m the dad too..and I’m just like who cares!? Yeah you’re the dad but I’ve done so much more for her and think of her first unlike him spending money on himself before asking if I need anything for her...ugh I’ve had an opportunity to leave but failed because I have horrible anxiety and fear and don’t like how my family makes unnecessary comments sometimes (which at the end of the day there’s more love on my side). I try to pray about it but it’s hard I just feel ashamed to God for letting Him down... I feel like this is what I get for letting my depression get to me and making me choose things under pressure without thinking!! Choosing my way instead of His..😞 But yeah I feel so good not being around his family. I still want a divorce, he doesn’t stand up for me like he should... plus like I said everything he’s done to me in past I can’t get over it’s horrible...I forgive him of course but the pain won’t go away I’m beyond numb..and that’s why I feel lost and lonely I feel I can’t focus like I used to...

Want to add: yes he has committed adultery multiple times! and his family have disrespected me so many times I don’t think I want to allow that in my daughters life..if they can’t respect me they don’t deserve to see her.. am I supposed to look weak and let these ppl step over me on top of my husband ? That’s how I feel if I let this keep going. And only way to avoid it is by not seeing them...I don’t have no hate or anything towards them. His family thinks I sleep around (with no real reason, since they don’t even try to know me 🙄) his sister and mom have asked if he’s sure our daughter is his when she clearly looks JUST like him and I’ve been faithful since the beginning. Of course I’ll get offended when he’s the one who’s done all of that to me...