Hello,

Please please excuse the length. I really need perspective from women who arent me. Im 20, and i was with my ex boyfriend for two years since high school. He is 18.

During those years, he broke up with me many times because he was depressed. However, somehow, he would always find another girl to occupy him sometimes an hour after officially leaving me. Sometimes it would come out that he was talking to them before he even dumped me. It would never work out, he would apologize, and i thought me loving him would be enough. It never was enough.

He would be angry for days with me, never say why, and blow up when i told him i was sorry for whatever i did. He took up smoking packs of cigarettes a day, and when i told him point blank

“Hey, ex boyfriend? It really pisses me off that you keep doing this to your body and not eating on top of it. I dont want to be aggressive, but i really want you to try and get help, please. I love you.” He blew up on me.

After i became depressed because i was not sure when or if he’d ever just trade me in for another girl again, i admittedly began to act not as happy. I told him, and he told me if i didnt get happy or better he couldn’t be with me. I told him i wasnt sure when I was, he left me. He said if i fixed it, we could get back together. So i tried. But he kept saying “soon”. Eventually he asked for his things back and i asked if this was it. He said he didnt know, then texted me to accept we were over (at least for now).

I felt spiteful and made a bumble, keeping it for a day or so before deleting it because i knew i wasnt over him. He screenshot it and sent it to

Me and was surprised i was “that kind of girl” snd i “sure moved on fast”. I told him i was trying to heal and it was hard when i didnt know what he wanted from me or if he even wanted me at all. He said he absolutely didnt now.

He has now moved on i think. I live in absolute shame and guilt for Making that bumble. I feel Like I was the abusive one. I feel like i need to say sorry. Genuinely i do. Should I apologize ?