I just found out that my husband has been having an affair for A WHOLE YEAR. We have two sons, 18mo & 8mo. The affair started while I was pregnant and would’ve still been going on if I didn’t find out about it.

I suspected of the cheating when I was 8 months pregnant and he denied the affair. I also spoke to the other woman and begged her to tell me if something was going on between them. I explained to her that I was pregnant and if he’s doing something like that behind my back I deserve to know so I can move on with my life. She also denied the affair. Only stating that she herself is married and they they are “just good friends”. I left anyway because I didn’t believe either of them. But he begged me to come back saying he’d do better (still denying any cheating). So now for me to find out that he begged me to come back while they were still having an affair makes me livid. I could’ve moved on with my life by now! I’m so hurt and angry. I love him so much, how could he have done this to me?! And although she’s married, she’s in love with my husband and “want another baby”.

Anyway, I packed and moved out with the babies. And just as the last time, he’s begging me to come back. Saying he fucked up, made a mistake, and it won’t ever happen again etc. Same crap I know better to fall for again. First off, it wasn’t a mistake. Sex is NEVER a mistake. It’s a DECISION. Secondly, I have ZERO trust in him. For all I know, he’s probably still with her. It was still going on when I found out, so it could just as easily be going on still. I believe nothing that comes out of his mouth now. He’s only sorry because he got caught.

I love him dearly, and want our marriage to work, but I’m so angry and hurt and there’s no trust left. I feel he takes me for granted and doesn’t hold any respect for me or my body.

I’m also feeling very revengeful, spiteful, reckless, and can’t fight the obsession of wanting to find her husband to oust her infidelities to. I know his name, just need to find him. I’d probably also put her in critical care if I ever bumped into her.

I’m so confused on what to do. We’re not well off, so paying for marriage counseling is a pretty steep expense.

& I’m not really considering the kids in all this because they’ll still have both parents, they just need HAPPY parents in order to grow healthily. It’s just to decide whether the parents should try to be happy together, or happy apart.