How do you know when you’re not in love

I’m starting to realize that every now.. I’ve been with him 3 years controlling , abusive physically mentally and emotionally... I’m starting to realize maybe I’m out of love or falling out of love.. today he told me I had one more time to be “ rude “ i was thinking like this man really thinks I’m his child and also he was sleeping , I had my AirPods in and my back faced him watching videos on YouTube , he rolled over and just started by saying I’m being sneaky , he can be sneaky too and etc etc.. top it all off his kids just came for the weekend and didn’t even acknowledge Me. He’s in the living Room drinking . I’m over it and deserve so much better . Ion have kids , he’s 31 I’m 21 & he has 5 yes 5. I’m such a good person to him and these kids lord. I know I’m dumb , he’s too abusive to walk away easy... if I kicked him out he would bust into my apartment door like he has done before literally .. I would have to literally move into another apartment . Ughhhhhh my life I need some friends I have no damn friends , I had cousins before I was close with but he ended up messaging more and I felt betrayed ofc and haven’t spoke with them in years because of him ... I should’ve cut him off then yes & then he tried talking to her again and liking her pictures once we split up a while back.. he has even tried to talk to the only one friend I had , me and her tried to rekindle things but it was too awkward because she did entertain him too idk I’ve been getting fucked over by everyone I’m the closest too!