Can’t talk to my husband. :( He uses it against me.

Really sucks being a stay at home mom sometimes. I have no friends really. Every time I talk to my husband or confide in him for example today I was really upset over not getting a test result yet and kinda fixated on it all day. I told him about it because I wanted to talk to someone about how I was feeling and told him it’s really hard for me not to mentally fixate on it because I am a stay at home mom now so other than the kids don’t really have anything else to think about and I can’t keep myself busy or mind off it like I would when I working full time. When my husband and I got into a disagreement tonight he always uses anything I have confided in him with against me. So Tonight he threw it in my face that something was really wrong with me cuz I fixated all day on something so small. He’s said things before like no wonder your mom has problems with you after I told him about my mom and I not getting along (it’s really rare for that to ever even happen so I really wanted to tell him how felt when I did). It’s just sucks to not have someone safe to talk to or confide in. I feel like my feelings are always used against me and I hate talking to him. It always happens with everything I’ve ever told him. I can’t tel him if I feel anxious or angry or bothered over anything. I feel so numb. He uses me communicating that I anxiety against me. I’ve had anxiety my whole life that I’ve managed very well! No one would ever know it. Would be so nice to be able to tell someone when I have it or on a day when I struggle with it because it makes me feel better to get it out vs always pretending I’m fine. I thought I’d be able to talk to my own husband about what I feel. I told him I hate talking to him tonight and that he throws everything I talk to him about in my face all the time and it feels really bad. 🥺

I miss having a friend I could talk to and tell everything to. I’m lonely 😞