Should I ask if he's a gf and potentially lose him as a friend?

Question

So I'm in this theater group, I joined a month ago and there is this guy who's 8 years older than me. He isn't really my type but I felt attraction the first time we did something together as a group. But a week after I because Facebook friends with him and saw on his profile that he's in a relationship. I could find out who the girl is, she looks nice and I wouldn't want to go in between.

But we chat and it's mostly flirty, but really flirty as in "you can come over and I can tell you the story".  And when we're in the theater he is somewhat touchy and stuff. I wouldn't think he is the type of guy who would cheat on his gf. The thing is our theater group has a certain type of humor, so it could easily be him joking around...but it feels different with him.

So today, I'd like to ask him if he is flirting with me or just joking around and if he has a girlfriend, which will be tough since I don't really when the right time would be and how to approach the question. But anyways, if he's joking around and has a girlfriend, then it could potentially ruin our friendship which I don't want whatsoever. I don't wanna lose what I have with him and his friends, I really enjoy hanging out with them since I can be me and don't feel judged but love (he knows some of the group for a very long time and I'd like to be part of their friends circle, but it wouldn't work that well if he and I are in a situation where a friendship can't work out)
But if I don't ask I will wonder all the time and it distracts me already too much.

I don't know what to do? Can anyone help me out?

Answer

Well you already know he has a girlfriend so why would you pursue a man that obviously has no respect the the woman he is in a relationship with! If you end up together it will be because he started "flirting" with another woman whilst committed to another. Don't be that woman.. Don't flirt with a taken man!!

Answer

If he's in a relationship I wouldn't go there in terms of flirting or thinking of him as a potential partner. His heart belongs to someone else. If he's not, you'll find out in time if you spend lots of time together, just let things take their course, but you could always wait until the next time you go out as a group and be like "Bring your girlfriend along". If he doesn't have one, he'll say so.

Answer

I would wait it out. If it is more then joking around and he is flirting then things will progress with you two and you will eventually know the truth.Or if you really can't wait you you just need to know you can always just bring the subject up randomly like as if your talking to everyone and not just him. And try not to make it obvious that your trying to get something out of him. Or just be honest and say hey I saw on your Facebook that your in a relationship, how is that going? I mean he can't be that dumb, if your Facebook friends then he obviously knows that you saw his relationship status

Answer

1) The notion that a single question like this would ruin a friendship is ridiculous. You wanna know, so just ask.

2) Some men are naturally flirty. My SO sure as hell is. I'd hope that his gf knows about his flirtatiousness and just accepts it as part of his personality.

3) If he is actually flirting with you with the intentions of cheating on his girl, then you need to know - which brings me back to number 1. Just ask him what's up.

Should I ask if he's a gf and potentially lose him as a friend?

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