Help?... I don't know if I belong here.
I know this is hella long but I would really appreciate it if you would read it through and tell me what you think...
I made this post on my social media the other day:
[Long story short:
I consider myself bicurious and/or queer.✌️
Short story long:
I've never had the opportunity to figure out if I'm bisexual or not, especially growing up in a very religious household; and I still don't have the opportunity to figure it out because I'm married to a man, lol. However, I have made out with and [🛑TMI but relevant WARNING🛑]: gone down on a woman before, and it wasn't a preference vs. with a man, but it also wasn't bad, and I'm not against doing it again.
So I'd probably consider myself bicurious, or maybe even just queer until I *know* and honestly your guess is as good as mine, but there ya go.😅😂
What's holding me back is the fact that most people who come out as themselves have known for most of their life, or have spent years being closeted. I haven't. This is all very new to me. Growing up, I had only ever had crushes on boys. I could acknowledge that a girl was attractive, but I never felt anything for women. Then I developed celebrity crushes on women (Anna Kendrick and Blake Lively, amirite?😍😂), but who doesn't? I know countless straight men who celebrity crush on Hugh Jackman, so of course there has to be straight women who crush on celebrity women, right? That's all I thought it was... Then I had some experiences with women, and I expected to feel nothing or to at least feel odd about it, but I didn't. In fact, it was actually kind of fun and a little bit of a turn on. Ever since then, I've just been... Confused. Unsure.
So, this isn't me coming out as bisexual or even "coming out" at all. Like I said, I've never felt closeted. This is me saying that I don't consider myself straight...I think. I'm extremely confused and honestly, even if it's a phase, so what? Phases are good. The moon has phases, but it's still the moon. Just because the moon is doing or showing something different today doesn't mean it was lying about being the moon yesterday. Trying new things is good, figuring out what you like and don't like is good. It's healthy. Suppressing and repressing is not healthy. I'm just here to tell my truth.
I love my husband with everything in me and that will never change. He has always been and will always be the one for me. But I can't help feeling like I'm in a bit of a crisis not knowing where I stand with myself... Maybe one day I'll figure it out, but until then, it's okay to be confused and scared.
My husband and I are together. We are staying together. This doesn't change our relationship at all. In fact, he is a huge part of the reason I feel comfortable enough to share this. He has made me strong and confident, things I have never really felt or been before. I am so proud of him and everything he has become and I want to be proud of me too. I want to be who I am. I want to be genuinely, unapologetically, and completely myself. And I'm not afraid to say that I like women.]
This is my current ask and thoughts:
Would it be weird if I did an eyebrow slit?😅
I've always really liked them but I never did it because I didn't want to take that from the queer community but now that I feel like I'm kindof part of it, I wanna try it? Idk, is that weird or too much?...
I feel like I'm fake because I haven't known or felt this way my whole life and I don't want to take anything away from people who's entire existence was kept hidden. It feels like I'm being disrespectful or like I'm trying to take attention or something when I haven't gone through what you all have...
After reading my story, would you feel uncomfortable or stepped on by me?