Actually, they aren’t even divorced yet, but they have been separated two years. They have known each other since 13, got married at 17, had their son at 18 (he is now 9). She cheated on him while he was overseas in the army, and once he caught her she said she wanted a divorce. She later became pregnant with the other guy, and decided to tell my boyfriend (her “ex” husband) that she was stupid for leaving him. He swears there is nothing romantic left between them on his side, but they are still best friends and talk about everything with each other. He also spends the night at her place every now and then (although she lives with her parents) and also pays her phone bill (says it’s because he wants to know he can reach his son whenever he wants) and sometimes loans her money (she has not worked in years).

The guy she cheated on him with became abusive (grabbing her by the neck, beating up her car, etc.). Now that she has had the baby (who is now 3 months), she decided to leave him. She ran to her mother’s a few hours away and started seeing a therapist. Apparently she was diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and depression and has been having suicidal thoughts. She is leaning on my boyfriend really heavily at the moment, texting and calling. She has sent some photos of herself to him (nothing explicit that I know of, the one I saw was a photo of her bruised knees and broken arm that apparently occurred after she had an anxiety attack and fainted).

All of that makes me uncomfortable a little, but at the end of the day I’m glad she left him and is getting help. I’m glad she has someone supporting her, even if it’s my boyfriend supporting his “ex” wife. I’m glad they are friends because it makes their son’s life easier.

However, last night she texted my boyfriend asking if he would be the legal custodian of the baby she had with the other guy. Technically, as they are still married and this other guy was left off the birth certificate, in the state of S.C. my boyfriend is already considered the legal custodian unless he goes to court and says otherwise. So she asked him to stay the custodian and legally responsible for her and this other guy’s baby. She claims it is because she doesn’t want the baby to have to be with an abusive father, which I do understand. My boyfriend says he thinks it’s because she is suicidal at the moment and she wants to know that if she died, the baby wouldn’t end up with this abusive guy.

On top of this, my boyfriend filed his taxes this year as married and claimed their son together and this other baby on his taxes.

From my side, I have a daughter who is about to be two and whose father (my husband) died when she was only three months old. My outfield is who she looks to as a parental figure now. We have been talking about marriage and starting a life together and having another baby, but finances have made us decide to wait a little longer. I’m so worried about what him taking on his “ex” wife’s problems is going to do to my life plans and how it could effect my boyfriend and I’s relationship.

He claims he is going to say no to being this other baby’s legal parent, but I feel so uncomfortable with the fact that his “ex” even felt comfortable enough to ask. He says they really don’t have boundaries between each other, except for physical intimacy. And he admitted that she probably would want to get back with him, but that he has made it clear he isn’t interested in being back with her.

I had no idea until just now how close they were to each other. I knew they were best friends and he helped her out sometimes, but I realize now it’s way deeper than that. We got in a fight last night about her because I feel so uncomfortable now. It’s not about them being friends, but it makes me feel like a sister wives type relationship and makes me wonder when I’ll ever take priority for him or how his relationship with his “ex” is going to effect my life and my daughters. How will we have a kid together if he is providing for her and her kids that aren’t even his?

He says it’s just the way it is and I’ll have to accept that. He got all quiet and disappointed looking when I voiced my opinions and we ended up arguing about it, and still he says nothing is going to change. I told him I don’t care if their best friends, but he needs to set up more boundaries with her so that we can really start our own life together.

How do I explain this to him in a way he would understand? Am I wrong to even stay and try and make this work, is their relationship just too crazy? Or am I wrong and their relationship is just fine and I’m overreacting about it? Am I crazy to feel like they act like a couple still and am scared one night he will cheat or decided to get back with her? Guys help 😩