I really don’t know where to start.

I hope that a big part of it is down to COVID, and these lockdowns mean we have been forced to spend a lot more time together as we live together and we haven’t been able to go out and really do anything. And spending that much time together with nothing to do or talk about has really taken its toll.

My partner hasn’t been able to work much because of COVID as the government shut down retail and hospitality for the majority of the past year. So he’s been stuck at home.

I’ve still been going to work, but working from home. So we’re around each other a lot more. Whereas normally we both work full time, and would at least be able to come home and tell each other stories of what happened at work, even if we didn’t have other plans or things to do or talk about.

But it’s highlighted that we’re both not great at communicating when we’re not happy. And it turns out that lately neither of us are happy. And I really hope it’s just the strain of everything at the moment.

Last night we were honestly close to breaking up. Because he’s not happy and had a lot of time to think about why. And he said that I come across badly and that whenever he highlights the issues to me I brush him off and say that he does those things too rather than changing the behaviour that bothers him. He says I put pressure on him for not being able to drive yet, and he’s been tempted to not learn just to be difficult.

I don’t want think I want to break up and I want to be in a healthy honest happy relationship but I dont know how to change for the better. I just feel miserable and stuck because of the pandemic, not living in a great place, not being able to afford a better car and not able to buy a house and it comes across that way to him and he senses that. If I get emotional or upset I end up taking it out on him and I don’t know how to think before I speak.

I don’t really know why I’m posting this but just to vent really I think