I feel horrible 😔

My partner and I recently decided to start trying as we both want to add to our family and give my 4 year old from a previous relationship a sibling. My cycle has been all over the place ever since I had my daughter, so I knew it would be challenging to conceive. But I forgot just how soul crushing it can be to see that negative test glaring back at you. Maybe forgot isnt the right word. More accurate would be that I willfully ignored it because up until recently I wasn't worried about seeing it and hoping with everything in me that it was positive, instead. The app says I SHOULD start in 2 days, I've had lower back pain, light pulling cramps, nausea, insomnia, mood swings, cravings (lemonade out of nowhere) and my sense of smell seems to be stronger; yet my test says negative. It seems like everyone around me is getting their sticky beans, and honestly I'm truthfully happy for them. But there's that small part of me that just dies more and more because where's my positive? Even today I had a very dear friend tell me she had actually just found out this morning that she and her partner are now pregnant and that it just kind of happened and they'd only just started trying. Obviously I am over the moon happy for her, but I felt like a horrible friend because I started bawling while texting and wishing her congratulations and discussing it with her. I honestly am happy for her and anyone else with a sticky bean, I just can't help but wish it was me too 😔