Can I be upset?

Question

My husband and I have been together over 13 years, married 6, as of yesterday. First few years we both made birthdays any anniversaries super fun and memorable. Now it's only me who does that. So right before Christmas I told him that it bothers me that I make a huge deal out of his birthday, and always plan something nice for our anniversary and that doesn't happen in return. My birthday was on Valentine's Day, nothing,no card, no dinner, no breakfast, no sex.... What the heck. Broke my heart. ( I have him a card and candy, and bought lingerie). Then our anniversary, I got him a card, wrote a letter from the heart, made one of his favorite dinners. And in return.  Nodda. Sure I would love to be taken out to Dinner, or brought home flowers. But truly all I ever expected, a card, dinner, a game night the two of us. Anything to show he was thinking of me. Am I being needy? Is it okay this upsets me, after I expressed my frustrations and he agreed it would take little effort on his part to do something.?

Accepted Answer

Im sorry to hear that. I say only match a mans energy. If you express what you desire and he doesnt deliver.... u can show him better than u can tell him. STOP 🛑. Stop all this pampering and rewarding him. No ma”am.   Stop doing those things. On his birthday proceed by doing nothing. On your birthday plan a fun date for yourself filled with things you want and like. Anniversary same thing. Do what you love. In a direct manner im telling u... be a little more selfish. Do whatever it takes to keep your vessel filled.
     Read the five love languges and take the test together. See what eachother love language is so u bo th can communicate effectively.

Answer

Did... did you try to spell “nada”? As in the Spanish “nada” which means “nothing”? I’m sorry, I just find it hilarious lol 💀🤣🤣🤣
Jokes aside, I feel you. My bf is the same and I’ve just learned to stop expecting so much, he’s just not that type of guy. Part of me wanted to say fuck it and stop going all out but 1. Im not that type of person and 2. That petty. 
You have to think about how important gifts are important to you, it sounds like that may be your love language. Communicate that with him and see who’s willing to sacrifice. Good luck.

Answer

You have every right to be pissed off & upset hun , honestly it doesn't take much just to plan a nice day for you on your birthday, anniversary & Valentine's Day , I really think you should stop spoiling him on his day & you go out with your friends & celebrate it for him , I would like to think after you doing that it will make him see sense & realise that he makes no hun effort c

Answer

You have every right to be upset. I would be too. Talk to him how you been feeling or ask him why he ain't doing it anymore. He needs to make effort for you, like you been doing to him. It ain't fair. If he won't make effort then I'd stop giving him gifts to see how he would feel.

Answer

I know you already talked with about this awhile back with him but bring it up again, and stand firm. Communication is the biggest thing in any relationship. It will make it break anyone. Keep firm to how it makes you feel. Your feelings are valid. Your wants are valid. Your needs are valid. You deserve what you give. You need to be treated the same way you’re treating your partner, always. I’m sorry you’re feeling low and not appreciated. You are worthy of all that and more. 
Just because you have been together for “so many years” doesn’t mean jack shit, my grandparents have been married for 65 years and together for even longer and they still (until the pandemic) spoiled each other with gifts for birthdays, anniversaries, special occasions and for “just because I love you” days. Never forget you deserve love. I’m hoping you find what you are looking for. 🖤

Answer

Why haven’t you talked to him about it? I would have had a long talk with my husband had he forgotten my birthday or didn’t celebrate how I expected him to or he normally does. If he refuses to talk you need to seek counseling.

Can I be upset?

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