Am I the asshole??

Before anyone says this is a toxic relationship and to just leave, save your comments. This is literally the dumbest thing we have argued over but because it’s regarding something ocd related I don’t know if I overreacted.

I have really bad insecurities about balding. My hair has thinned out a lot and receded around the hairline after having a miscarriage and then going on depo after made it worse. I also have ocd and have a certain tick where I have to check my hair multiple times a day in the mirror. I know it’s not healthy but it’s something I’m trying to work on. Everyone tells me my hair isn’t thinning and I’m overreacting but I obviously can see my hair has thinned out over the years. I get a few gray hairs frequently and they don’t bother me at all. My bf knows about my ocd and most of the routines/ticks I have because we’ve been living together for about a year now.

Today I was with my bf getting groceries and as we are standing in line to check out he says don’t move, stand still. He knows I hate bugs and spiders, so to my assumption there is a bug in my hair. I stand still and can feel him pulling something off my hair and I’m asking “is it a bug is it a spider what is it” and he goes “shhhh stay still” and then all of a sudden he yanks and my scalp was hurting where he pulled (right at the top of my crown where I am so insecure about it being thin) and then is holding a thick gray hair and a couple other strands of my hair while laughing.

I get it. It was supposed to be funny, that maybe some women my age or older would want them pulled, but I don’t. I stood there for a minute staring at him with a blank face like did you really just do that but he kept laughing. So I got mad and started saying “what the fuck is wrong with you. Do not ever do that again.” He kept laughing. So I got a little louder and repeated myself. He’s trying to say it was just a joke it’s just a gray hair. So I get to the register I put the bag I was holding next to my feet so I could pay and I told him to just go to the car. He leaves, I pay.

I get in the car and he was yelling how I embarrassed him in front of strangers for raising my voice like I was scolding a child. And how that was his version of horseplay since I always bite on him, and play wrestle him. So I say yes I get that I can be a bit much with horseplay at the house, he was true about that. Or how I always point out his gray hairs in his beard. But do I pull them? No. He was demanding an apology for me kind of yelling at him in public but won’t admit that he was a dick for pulling out my hair knowing that I am excessively insecure about it thinning.

Someone please tell me if I am overreacting or if he is just being a dick.