I’ve been wanting to post for a while but haven’t gotten around to it....didn’t want to admit that I am weak and having a hard time. I’m almost 20 weeks pregnant and while I am with the most amazing man who takes care of me, our relationship is so complicated, we don’t live together but spend a lot of time with each other. We’re both going through divorces and these proceedings started prior to us getting together. Both of our exes are petty and stalling in every way they can divorce wise. My ex is a psycho who used me for money for 4 years and emotionally and mentally screwed me up, in a sense made me think I wasn’t good enough. He cheated and constantly lied and I tried to stay for the kids until I just couldn’t take it anymore. My ex before him was just as bad, he took care of me but that didn’t stop him from cheating and lying and mentally making me feel like trash. My guy now, his ex, I don’t know much about her except that she was withdrawn from their relationship and she wasn’t giving him the love he was so deserving of so he basically said he had enough. He’s an amazing dad to their kids though and it’s one of the most attractive things about him. Eventually he and I just sort of fell into each other and it seems so right, our pregnancy wasn’t planned and although we always talk about “what if’s” in the future, am I wrong to think this relationship will fail me too? I want so badly to be excited about this pregnancy, it’s my 5th baby (first girl after 4 boys) and his 4th baby, second girl as he has a 14 year old daughter and 19 year old twin boys with his ex. He’s excited but I find myself constantly trying to “make” myself be happy about her. I’ve contemplated just telling him to take her and go away with her when she’s born because I’m scared of being hurt. My ex isn’t making things easy for me and although he doesn’t know about my current relationship, he’s always finding ways to make my life hell. It’s affecting my relationship now and I don’t know how to cope. My boys are happy about their sister but his kids don’t seem like they want anything to do with her when she’s born and I just don’t want hat for her. She’s a baby, she didn’t ask to be here but she deserves nothing but unconditional love and acceptance. I don’t ever want her to feel unloved or unwanted because I know that feeling and it sucks. I’ve let myself slip into this deep depression and I’m trying to cope but it’s hard, I don’t know what it is but I’m not “thriving” like I feel I should be. Not even sure why I’m posting this, maybe I just needed someone to hear me out...I’ve spoken to my o gun who referred me to mental health because I expressed how I was feeling and even that I had thoughts of suicide. I just feel like I’d be better off if I wasn’t here. I don’t know what I’m like this. I’m normally not this weak. I’m just so tired of feeling alone. What’s wrong with me?