Erratic driving with baby in car

I guess I really just want to vent and write my feelings down and if someone else sees it and can relate that’s a bonus.

I’m having a roller coaster of emotions, right now its just so much anger, after been shocked earlier today and being anxious a few hours ago. Still really anxious and I know that won’t go away.

The cause was my partners driving. Every time we get in the car and he is driving I tell him to drive safely and make him agree before we leave. This is most of the time because I have a coccyx injury from my birth so it’s uncomfortable for me to sit down.

Well today driving home from a small road trip (45 min away), he decides to overtake the car in front of us on a single lane stretch of country road. The car was going 80kmph. I think the speed was 100kmph, may have even been 80, not sure. I have said to him a few times not to do this as he doesn’t check properly and there is always another car coming the other way. I tell him its not worth it and to just sit behind them.

He never listens. He’s been in multiple accidents, can’t even count how many near misses.

We have our 7 week old in the car and of course there was a car coming the other way. Rather than slow down and drop back where he was, he makes the decision to flaw it.

I was fucking furious. I don’t know how he made it. I can’t even tell you how close it was. He was doing probably 120kmph to pass them and the car coming toward us seemed to have sped up rather than slow down to avoid a collision. I don’t blame them for the incident at all, they may have not done so at all. I feel sorry for them too. It must have been terrifying.

I basically just said I can’t believe you did that, you almost killed us. All he said was he didn’t see them coming.

I waited until we got home to rip into him, and even then he got off lightly because I was telling him off while sobbing so half of it he probably couldn’t understand anyway.

He said he would never do it again, which he has said before, so I told him it doesn’t even matter, I’m not letting him drive with me or her in the car ever again. He can’t be trusted. If having her in the car doesn’t make him drive safely, nothing will. The only outcome of him driving is us eventually dying, or at the very worst outcome, she’s the only one that dies.

I am so anxious already with her in the car.

He caused an accident when I was about 30 weeks pregnant on purpose. Someone was riding his ass so he slammed on his breaks as soon as the traffic light went amber ahead of us and caused the guy behind us to rear ended us, pushing us into the intersection. I yelled at him immediately and said what the fuck did you do that for because he hardly ever stops at amber lights anyway, I knew something was off. He admitting the guy was riding his ass so he slammed on his breaks to “ teach him a lesson”.

I though that incident would of got through to him that he could of killed myself or his child.

His actions just show he doesn’t care.

Honestly it makes me want to leave him. He is making things so hard for me with having a newborn. He rolls his eyes when I ask for something while I’m breast feeding. He gets angry when he can’t go for a bike ride or run or exercise in our shed. While I’ve been stuck on the couch all day breastfeeding or settling a baby that refuses to be put down.

I’ll leave it here. Maybe no one will read all of this but hopefully just getting it down will help me feel a bit better.