I was drunk but we had sex.....is this ok? I feel sick about it.

Question

Got totally buzzed and my bf came to pick me up from a party on campus cuz I couldn't drive back to my apartment. I don't really remember the whole night but when I woke up in the morning, he said we had sex. I don't really remember though but my clothes were off and we were in bed and there was a used condom lying on the bedroom floor. Idk. Is this rape? He said we only did it cuz I wouldn't stop asking for it but I really don't remember. We've been dating for 2 years and are almost out of school. I know I totally shouldn't have drunk so much cuz I don't even usually do that. Ugh. I'm such a fool!!

Accepted Answer

You legally can't consent when under the influence but you're in a relationship with him so this is up to you if you want to consider it rape. If I was drunk and begging my husband to have sex and we had sex and I didn't remember it. I wouldn't consider it rape.

Answer

I wouldn’t consider this rape if it were me, but you’re allowed to lay down boundaries with him. You can be honest and tell him it made you uncomfortable and tell him to not do that again even if you ask.

Answer

Considering everyone’s throwing the rape word around, you both “raped” each other. You begged him and kept asking for it so he would of had to say no a few times at least otherwise you wouldn’t of had to beg and that is rape because you forced him until he did basically. Then you were drunk so wasn’t able to give proper consent, you gave consent because you begged but obviously classed as rape because you wasn’t sober enough. If it makes you feel uncomfortable then talk to him about it and if there’s a next time then make sure he knows not to do anything no matter how much you beg. But I hope you’ve learnt a lesson from this that when you’re drinking anything could happen, you got off lightly really because it was your boyfriend. It could of been a complete stranger that really did rape you and you wouldn’t know anything about it because you don’t remember and there wouldn’t be a stranger the next morning telling you what happened. DRINK RESPONSIBLY 👏🏻👏🏻

Answer

Regardless of you supposedly begging him and being in a relationship any self respecting person would not get with someone that drunk regardless of where they stand relationship wise because it’s not consent. You can’t legally consent when under the influence. I don’t think this qualifies as rape but it is a questionable decision and one that I would talk to him about and tell him it made you uncomfortable and that if this were to ever happen again you’d prefer him to not go along with it and just put you to bed.

Answer

He couldn't wait til you sobered up? Where the fuck was the sex running off to? SMH. 
In retrospect, you seem to not have wanted to go along with it. You don't even remember whether or not you initiated it, you just know what he told you. Clearly you were severely intoxicated and could not give consent - I'd say that it's rape despite the relationship - but that's just my opinion. 
I'm sorry this happened to you.

Answer

I’m not sure if this is helpful but I’ve been in a similar situation before and I did not count it as or view it as assault. My bf and I were both trashed and next thing I know I kinda wake up and go “where’s my clothes” while he’s right next to me. He explained what happened and after I sobered up a bit I remembered more. 
This is kinda tricky to say but I think talking to him is your best option

Answer

These comments are actually a little disgusting. RAPE CAN HAPPEN WITHIN A RELATIONSHIP. It’s obvious op doesn’t like the fact that he had sex with her while she was unconscious, or is at least a bit confused on how she should feel. If they weren’t in a relationship would you guys consider it rape? Yes. So why is it different just because he’s her boyfriend? 
You weren’t able to give consent and you have a right to be upset about this. Don’t push down your ill feelings about this just because other people are telling you to. If you feel it wasn’t right, then it wasn’t right. Any decent partner wouldn’t touch you while you couldn’t give consent UNLESS you have already told him it was ok. And I think a lot of people are forgetting that this is something that changes depending on the person, and they shouldn’t be telling you not to feel some type of way about this just because they’re ok with it in their relationship. So it all depends on how you feel about this, alright? You can message me if you need to.

Answer

My partner and I have had super long sex sessions pissed 😂 I can't remember some and he can't remember others. We would never coincider anything like that to be rape, it was just fun.
It's really upsetting to see you find this uncomfortable, why don't you talk to him about this? I'm sure he'll put your mind at ease. 
It must be so hard for a man to know when he can and can't touch someone, especially if she's been trying it on all night.
I hope you find some peace with this as drunken fun! 
X

Answer

My hubby hates alchohol. It makes him sooooooo sick. He just cant stand it. So he wont drink often. But I do sometimes. But when I do I get really horny when I'm drunk like realllly horny, so I would never consider it rape cause even if i dont remember, I know I was probably begging him. I'll even wake him up if hes asleep. I cant get drunk and not have sex with my man. He loves it :) I get kinky. Hes also got a high libido like me though.

Answer

Your boyfriend is a rapist. I’m sorry this happened to you. Block him on everything and consider pressing charges.

I was drunk but we had sex.....is this ok? I feel sick about it.

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