Oh man... or oh men...

Now I don’t cheat. Never have. Never will.

I’m in a long term relationship of over 3 years, but I’m unhappy in it most of the time. I can’t bear the pain to leave since my boyfriend’s nephews and niece know me as “Auntie”, I love his family, and he’s the first person I’ve seriously been with (I lost my virginity to him). I also have a myriad of different emotional issues and don’t believe anyone could ever love me like he does. But he’s 20, and has no desire to have job and currently lives in my mother’s basement.

He’s a great guy until we argue and he turns to video games or if I’m insecure he says “sounds like a you problem” and won’t comfort me. I have some trust issues since he cheated on me in the very beginning of our relationship. He hasn’t cheated on me in the last 2.5 years. He doesn’t want any sex, hasn’t wanted to touch me in a year.

One of my best friends, who I used to have feelings for right before I got together with my current boyfriend, dislikes my boyfriend because he doesn’t try to support me emotionally. My best friend, male, disclosed to me yesterday that he’s had feelings for me during the last three years of my relationship...and has had these feelings for a total of five years. He told me he wishes he would’ve kept trying and didn’t give up on me just because of distance. He asked me if I felt the same and of course I told him, “I’m in a relationship. I don’t have room for feelings for anyone other than my boyfriend.” He proceeded to tell me, “You can have feelings for more than one person, but I know you wouldn’t allow yourself for that because you love him and you’re faithful. Too good for him, really.” I asked if he thinks I could do better and his response was, “I know I would support you emotionally but I know I couldn’t support you financially. I also know you need to find a guy that’s better for you than me or him.” Bewildered, I asked if he loves me. He said, “How can a guy have feelings for a girl like you for five years and not love you?”

I love him as a friend and only as a friend. I really thought the guy I’m with was the guy I would marry. But I’m unhappy with the relationship I’m in. I have been for a very long time. I keep trying to make it work, but I’m not sure what to do anymore. In the end, I’d be breaking two men’s hearts, and I don’t know how to deal with this. My best friend is one of the very few people that know about my PTSD (it’s really just nightmares when I sleep, unwanted memories, little things that trigger me and take me to an unsafe mental space), anxiety, depression, and possible bipolar disorder. We’d never leave each other’s side, no matter how hard it gets. But it’s not fair to him that I’m in a relationship with someone else that doesn’t make me happy, while he sits there and wonders why he told me what he did.