Need to vent

Kel • 41 years old with a 7 year old daughter + 4 year old son
AF came a day early today.
​I don't think I've wanted anything so bad in my life more than I want a baby.
​Husband was mean to me tonight and that just sent me on an emotional roller coaster. 
​I had 2 abortions when I was younger and today I've felt like me not getting pregnant is my punishment for that. 
​Tomorrow I'll look at my mandala and remind myself to think positive, but right now I just want today to be over.  
​