Unexpected Toddler Sleepover

So today is our 6 year wedding anniversary. Last night we went out for supper, and my in-laws requested to babysit, which is fine. When we were planning it, my MIL had said they could even keep him overnight, and I later told my husband I wasn’t at the point where I was okay with him sleeping somewhere without me. I told him that I wasn’t comfortable with it. My in-laws are fine and my son loves them, but they are not as involved in his life as my parents. They see him maybe twice a month. My mom babysat him for the first two years of his life while I went back to work, and my dad and brother have been there during that time, so he knows them very well, sees them multiple times a week, etc.

We dropped my 2 year old off and then went out for supper. We were done eating in less than 2 hours, and I knew my in-laws would be disappointed if we showed up so early. So we picked up some drinks and went to the home of some friends of ours and just hung out. At around 10 I was like, “Okay, we should probably go get the kid and let these two head to bed (since we had just showed up last minute).” My husband replies, “My mom said don’t worry about it, so he’s sleeping there tonight.”

He has never been away from me overnight before, and while I’m sure it went fine, I literally cried before I fell asleep. I kept my composure in front of our friends, but when we got in the car, I very calmly and clearly explained that I was not okay with the situation and I did not want it to happen in the first place, as I had told him. He got annoyed and was like, “It’s fine, he’s fine. He’s already sleeping.” I said I just wanted to be very clear that I wasn’t comfortable with it happening and plans being made without me and I didn’t want it to happen again, for future reference. He got pissy and was like, “Happy anniversary, looks like it’s off to a great start.”

Well. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

My husband is used to being away from our kid because he goes on yearly snowmobile trips 16 hours away with his friends (he even went when our son was 3 months old) and takes long weekends to go hunting every fall, and occasionally travels for work. It’s not hard or uncommon for him to be away from our son, but I never have, nor do I have any desire to at this point. I honestly thought the first time we would be separated at night was when I would have our next kid in the hospital and he would have to stay somewhere. (After nearly 2 years of TTC #2, I’m starting to think that will never happen.) I maybe could’ve mentally prepared myself for it had I been involved in the planning, but it was sprung on me and I’m just frustrated that it happened the way it did.

I know I’m not the only one who hasn’t been away from their kid overnight and has no real desire to do so. I know other moms are fine with a night away, and that’s totally fine, that’s just not for me. And honestly, it was a waste, because I had a really hard time last night, so it’s not like we got drunk and/or had a super romantic evening. By the time we got to bed I was totally sober and very, very sad. Also, it’s three days before my period so I’m feeling as unattractive and not-sexual as possible, so there was no sexy time. I’m just so frustrated. I’m going to go get dressed and drag my husband out of bed so we can go get our son because I miss him so much.

—EDIT—

Okay, I originally posted anonymously because some people on this app are so harsh. I don’t feel like I’m a helicopter mom, but we also don’t have any reason for him to be having sleepovers elsewhere at this point. We went to go pick him up and he didn’t even want to come with us. 😞 It was like twisting the knife in my heart. So I know he was fine and probably had a good time, but I also know my MIL lets him do whatever he wants, so he probably had a blast running the show. When he didn’t want to leave, my MIL was like, “Oh, he’s punishing you guys.” I wanted to be like, “Well punish your dad and your grandma, because I wasn’t involved in the decision to leave you overnight.” Ugh. I did my best to let it go and not hold a grudge on our anniversary.

Just wanted to say thanks for the support. It was reassuring to know I’m not the only one who would be upset. I think my husband learned not to do it again. I hope. 🤨