If i don't think about it maybe it will happen... It's been almost two years and the results each month doesn't change. I feel lost and out of touch along with eating silence my pillow drying up well known tears of pain. False hope follows me like a shadow mentally i start to shut down.. Depression hits i just sleep he wants to help but doesn't know how or the words to say we sit in bitter silence i feel our relationship is in danger immediately i began to pray and we talk things out... I try to rekindle containing balance between work and home starting to cheer up maybe we will have better luck next time.. Pride peeks out holding hands with confidence feeling abnormal breasts are sore and swollen light spotting while im eating as if i haven't had a meal.. Nauseous and drained i start to smile this could be it! But i don't dare alert him just to be sure I'll wait.. Rejected again looking at the tissue i start to cry.. He doesn't dare to come in lost for words remaining beside the door.. I can't take it anymore so i became numb to him and everything else around me burying myself into work. This is where i accept my streak of losses why do i keeping hurting myself? Why do i even try.. Intimacy isn't the same anymore i don't feel wanted im greeted with a tap on the shoulder or maybe a kiss that feels forced.. If snuggling is involved it's not for very long when i could really use it... Reassurance goes a very long way but i understand this is effecting him just as much. Tomorrow is my birthday and before the disappointment i thought to myself it would be a blessing to get a positive test instead the results was cramping.