It took so long to connect with my child.

I feel so much guilt with this. I wanted to get pregnant, so we did. When I saw the positive test, I felt calm while my husband celebrated with tears in his eyes. I thought maybe I’d feel something when I saw the ultrasound. I didn’t. I thought maybe when I felt the baby inside me. I didn’t. I thought maybe when I saw the anatomy scan and still nothing. I got GD and felt more apprehension for myself. I was really unhappy that I didn’t feel more for the baby. I thought maybe when she came out, but again, she was placed on me by my crying husband and I simply felt calm again. Taking care of my newborn was a chore instead of the bonding experience I wanted. I got frustrated while my husband would take her again and again.

I didn’t feel any connection until she smiled at me. And now having her against me brings me so much joy and happiness. She finally feels right and part of me.

I felt I needed to say this somewhere to someone who might understand. My poor husband bonded right away and seemed a bit bemused.