Vulnerable Post, Internal Masturbation

Hi all!

As the title implies this is a vulnerable post so if you’re not going to be sensitive in your reply please keep scrolling. Looking for my kind-hearted advice.

So my partner and I just started mutual masturbation over FaceTime since we are long distance. I have a thin normal sized penis-y shaped vibrator. It’s not huge and it’s simple. It works great for clit stimulation which can make me climax but I always draw back when I feel I’m about to orgasm. He keeps telling me to go inside with my fingers which I do but I can’t seem to get it to feel good. I actually feel kind of afraid that I could hurt myself inside. So I just kind of stick them in there and barely move them around.

When I have a physical partner I can be a little apprehensive about them fingering me but once I’m relaxed and warmed up it can feel great. I usually draw back though or make them stop right before orgasm. I know my spot is probably up high. It feels so intense when it’s hit, not bad but intense, and I start crying uncontrollably. Like not necessarily sadness but my body just pours out tears through my eyes…

And I think this is what makes me apprehensive to explore inside myself. I have tried before but I’d much rather a partner do it to me. And even with a partner I feel like climaxing should feel phenomenal but instead right before orgasm eels too overwhelming and intense.

Anyone else experience anything similar?