I can’t stand my mother

I know it is awful to say but I cannot stand my mother. I am 29 years old and have been currently living with my parents this past year saving up for a house and I believe my mental health is at stake because of my relationship with my mother.

We’ve never really had a good relationship. While other mother and daughters go out and shop or do Mani Pedi’s, we don’t do anything together. We don’t gossip or joke around. We aren’t even affectionate in the sense that we don’t hug or say we love each other. I don’t even feel comfortable with a kiss on the cheek or the occasional hug.

My mother has increasingly become a difficult person to be around. She is completely negative in every sense of the word. She even asks questions in a negative way such as “ your not going out?” “You not going to eat?”

Sounds trivial but it’s all the time that she assumes or has a negative outlook.

She complains about absolutely everything. Nothing is ever good enough. For example, my father renovated the kitchen and she complained that it wasn’t necessary. Who wouldn’t just be appreciative of a new kitchen??? The backsplash remained undone for a year because my mother never picked one out and when my dad picked 1 out himself, she complained that he didn’t get her opinion but she never looked for 1 and just complained that my father never finishes anything... but how could he if she didn’t pick 1 out??? Again this all probably sounds trivial but this is years and years of complaining and negativity.

I’ve also realized that every pet peeve I have, my mother does. Besides being always negative, my mother never remembers anything so I’m either repeating myself over and over or I’m listening to the same stories over and over. It’s to the point that I do have a tone or attitude when I have to repeat myself. The forgetfulness is also annoying in itself because it’s so bad that she is constantly forgetting where she puts her phone or car keys. She lost her car keys a thousand times and has had to replace them. She’s literally thrown them in the trash. She’s lost her phone and is always leaving it at home so you can never reach her when you need to. She lost my grandfathers death certificate within a week of getting it for crying out loud. She does all this and always say “these things always happen to me” I just roll my eyes because how can you say that but take no action to avoid losing your things?? My dad put a key hook in the house and her keys also have a loop to put around your neck and yet she constantly loses them. She misplaces her credit cards all the time.

My mother stays home to take care of my son and I pay her each week. But she is basically just an adult at home as she doesn’t actually take care of him. She doesn’t brush his hair or teeth. She barely makes him breakfast because he’s picky but he’s picky because she gives in to him if he says he doesn’t want something and will just give him what he wants like sugary cereal or a bottle of chocolate milk. The same for dinner. Sometimes he doesn’t eat because she says he didn’t ask for anything or if he does he wants plain spaghetti noodles and she’ll give it to him. (I work midnights so I’m not there to make breakfast or dinner)

She complains that my son is nosy because he always asks her questions but she’s the very same. I can be talking to my dad and she walks in asking what we’re talking about. This is another pet peeve. I want to constantly tell her to mind her business like she tells my son.

She also gets mad because my son talks and asks questions during movies or shows. Like what kid doesn’t??? But the kicker is... she does the exact same thing! No one likes watching anything with her because instead of watching, she will ask questions through out the movie. We’ve all told her about it but she continues to do it and gets mad if we tell her something.

My other pet peeve is that she is a slob. I’m not neat freak but she complains about all the cleaning she does and gets no help yet the house is always a mess. And I’ll admit I don’t really clean because they isn’t any point if she’s right behind me making a mess again. (Mind you my almost 18year old sister doesn’t even know how to sweep and mop and that’s because my parents let her stay in her room and don’t get her to help with chores.) When I was her age I was cleaning, doing my laundry, babysitting her and cooking because my parents both worked in the city and come home late at night. Even so my mom would harass me and say I didn’t do anything to help around the house but my sister gets a pass to literally do nothing??? But I digress...

Anyways I say my mom is a slob because she has a huge pantry that is utterly chaos. No organization at all. The refrigerator is the same but worse because my mother puts raw meat on top of cooked food or veggies. Things spill because she doesn’t close the tops on things. She puts things anywhere instead of where they’re supposed to go. My father and I have both cleaned and organized them both and she’s right behind messing it up again.

We both are so fed up with how she is. We’ve talked to her and she just doesn’t care to be more organized or less negative. She literally told my bf after a family talk that she’s never gonna change. So I just have given up trying to have a relationship with her. I know I have my faults and give her attitude but I just can’t help it since she literally doesn’t care to fix her own issues.

This is a bit of a vent but any advice or input is welcomed especially if you read all that.

P. S. If I was ready and able to move out I wouldn’t waste any time

Update

As I said if I was ready to move out I would have already.

Yes, I use her for “daycare” but as I explained she doesn’t actually care for my son. I might as well put him in daycare but at the time it was more beneficial for her to leave work and stay home because my grandfathers health was deteriorating. I pay her more than what she was making while working plus I take care of utilities, pay for pet supplies as we both have cats and dogs. I also buy groceries when she needs so she has no “struggles” my father and I essentially take care of her financially and yet she still complains that she won’t get anything back for her income taxes. I’m literally paying for her to stay home and do nothing but watch tv in her pjs all day. All she does is cook dinner while destroying the kitchen in the process and I clean up after her. I’d also like to know how I’m budding into her marriage??? Tf

My father has been taking care of her for 10 years because she left her career job a d hasn’t bothered to try to get a job that actually helps with the bills. So yeah I sympathize with him and he vents to me but im not “budding in”

My mother is a trainwreck. And yeah she claims to have adhd but we encourage her to see a doctor for all the various ailments she also complains about and she still does nothing. That’s why I’m venting because she’s offered help and still refuses to take it. So no, I can’t sympathize with her “struggles”