If he loves me why does he threaten me with self harm when I say I need to move on?

⚠️ possibly a trigger warning ⚠️ My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for many years, but he only seems to know how to love me when we are physically intimate. I’ve voiced countless times that sometimes I’d appreciate just being hugged instead of reaching for my sexual parts when we are together all the time. I miss the innocence of a pure love relationship and I feel like I’m only there to provide physical pleasure. When I say no, he keeps asking me until I say yes and then he proceeds to finger me or eat me out. And I know that’s supposed to be something for my enjoyment, but he doesn’t get no means no and I have to push him off of me and he doesn’t get it and thinks I’m not into him anymore if I say no. So finally after he sexually assaulted me (or raped me I’m not sure If it counts since no male parts were involved) but I said no and he continued to forcefully do it anyway until there was blood in my underwear bled after, I said I was done. He then proceeded to say he might kill himself or hurt himself if I did break up with him.

So out of fear I stayed. I’m not sure, I know he feels hurt since we were together for so long and now I’m done with it, but I feel like he shouldn’t be threatening me with things like this if he says he loves me.