TW this has to do with consent.

I have a big concern about something that happened this morning. I have been with my bf for two years now. Up until now, he has been 100% respectful and responsive to my needs, desires, and direction during sex. Faster, harder, slower, stop, this way, that way. We have had the best sex of my life together. I do have one rule, to never go from the back door to the front door, due to obvious hygiene concerns. I also am allergic to some antibiotics that help with yeast infections and bv. So we are extra careful since I’m prone to getting off balance.

We have not had good sex for about three weeks (barely had sex three times maybe) because our whole family got COVID and have been very sick. Today was the first day back at it and it was amazing. He started doing anal with no lube, but it was actually fine. I finished. Then he put it back in the front and I said “no” and then he finished moments later.

I got up and ran to the shower to rinse, crying. He said he was sorry and he was “in the moment”. I said “but I said no”. He said “I know I should have stopped I’m really sorry. It won’t happen again.”

I don’t want to end our two-year relationship over this one moment, but I’m worried this is a really bad thing. It has never ever happened before like I said and he’s always perfectly respectful.

UPDATE

So we had numerous conversations about this in the following days and weeks. I asked him “what is the definition of penetrating someone when they say no, even in the heat of the moment”. He said it is called rape. He then had a few solid days where he thought we couldn’t be together anymore because he had labeled himself a rapist and couldn’t understand why I would ever want him to touch me again.

Things have been different and somewhat distant since, but I think we are starting to repair our relationship and sex life. It will still take time and patience as we build trust back, and things may not be exactly the same as they once were. I do feel uneasy about what this may mean about his character, but I did see so much remorse that I remain hopeful. Even if the act itself was just for a minute, it does not take away the violation of my body and emotional impact it has had.